Princess in Love is a 1996 made for tv movie based on the 1994 book of the same name written by Anna Pasternak with the help of Princess Diana‘s former lover, James Hewitt. While Hewitt is definitely the best looking of Diana’s former beaus, he’s certainly the least trustworthy. The book is ok. I don’t see the value in ever reading it again. Nothing earth-shattering. He discusses passionate kisses and a super sultry scene at Althorp.

While Diana was alive he wasn’t always kind to her. (I mean, he wrote a book about her.) He told acquaintances that she had horrible breath. (Hi. She had an eating disorder.) After her death, he participated in a series of pay-for-play interviews with tabloids and journalists all over the world. At one point he was accused of trying to sell over 60 love letters that Princess Diana had written him.

I was mildly disappointed by his obsolete role in The Crown, because I do believe he played a larger role in her life than what was depicted but I also don’t think he’s truly worthy of being remembered alongside Diana.

If you’re curious to know more about the former British cavalry officer and his relationship with the Princess of Wales, you can stream Princess in Love on Amazon Prime through the IMDB channel. Here is our minute-by-minute reaction… want to watch along with us?

Opening scene: What appears to be a recreation of Princess Diana’s BBC Panorama interview except they’ve replaced Martin Bashir with someone more tolerable. Julie Cox emerges as Princess Diana. Living for her Something About Mary hair.

Script immediately establishes that Prince Charles cheated first. (Honestly, as it should.) Resulting in Princess Diana feeling like an unwanted failure. Sad.

“Diana” tells the journalist that the couple prioritizes their “duty” and dedication to the monarchy before their marriage and then we plunge into the most ludicrous montage I’ve ever seen. Photographers, shaking hands, and Prince Charles in a Hawaii lay with a cocktail and shades. ?

Now they are both wearing hard hats. Bright red.

More shaking hands.

This Prince Charles (Christopher Bowen) is significantly better looking and much taller than the real one. While the Diana is pretty but not as pretty as ours. I’m already skeptical.

It’s just now occurring to me that Princess Diana was alive to witness this travesty. (1996)

Her tiara is too small.

Holy mother of God. Cut to Diana in a pink bathing suit, large pink button-up shirt… open, and white heels. This is 100% not Princess Diana in vacay mode but ok, girl.

Charles approaches and Diana is caught off guard by his premature departure from their family vacation.
Diana: Charles, you can’t be leaving.
Charles: What’s that funny smell?
Diana: Tanning lotion, don’t change the subject.

“Charles scoffs” is what my closed captioning read next.

Has Prince Charles really never used SPF? He’s not that much of a square.

Charles is off to Balmoral. He claims his mummy ordered the visit. Diana senses that Camilla will be there. Charles looks like he’s auditioning for a role in Dick Tracy.

Diana chases him down a staircase in heels and asks what she should tell their boys… “For heaven’s sake, Diana. Harry’s 2. I’ll hardly be missed.” Don’t worry, Charles. He’ll pay you back in 2020. With the help of Oprah Winfrey.

Diana begs him not to go. “My dear, I have obligations,” he says. Diana insists that she will be lonely. He says that he has introduced her to his friends and she has rejected their friendship. Oh, like Camilla, Charles? Your actions are SUS.

Now we are at a party.

We are instantly introduced to Captain James Hewitt (Christopher Villiers). Diana practically has cartoon hearts flying out of her head. They do an extreme zoom on her face. I will try to make a gif for you, it’s that ridiculous.

I don’t think Diana ever wore anything that low cut while she was still a member of the royal family. Girl did love her chokers though!

Upon meeting Hewitt, Diana instigates riding lessons. Historically, I believe Diana’s horse riding strategy (to get closer to Hewitt) happened much later. She’s already telling him about the time she fell off a horse in the movie. He’s telling her that he’ll help cure her fear. Chivalry lives.

Hewitt plays polo against her husband.

Cut to Kensington Palace – Diana asks for Prince Charles but it seems like he’s staying the night at Highgrove. (Where Camilla is his neighbor.)

Diana enters her bedroom and there are children giggling under the sheets. “Hello, my darlings!” Diana snuggles in bed with two beautiful little boys playing Prince William and Prince Harry. “I want my daddy…” says Harry. “Daddy’s not here,” says Diana as she plays with his hair. Wondering if a similar scene will be included in Prince Harry’s upcoming memoir.

Diana tries to get the boys to fall asleep.

Cut to Highgrove – “Listen to this,” says Diana while reading a newspaper. “What is worth more than half a million pounds, weighs well over a ton, and requires as much attention as William and Harry?” she reads to her bodyguard, Matthew. “Diana’s wardrobe!” She says. Matthew moans, “Oh, they’re always picking on you!”

She complains about a photo in the paper and Matthew interrupts her to show her a different publication where she looks “sensational.” I think they are trying to establish how insecure she is. Also, hinting at a potentially inappropriate relationship with Matthew.

It seems that “Matthew” is supposed to be Princess Diana’s real-life royal protection officer, Barry Mannakee.

“People think all I do is shop.” Talking about paparazzi taking her photo.

“It makes me feel like I am nothing more than a product,” the Diana character explains. “A product that sells, I’m afraid,” Matthew agrees.

One of Charles’s employees named Nigel comes into the kitchen. Diana teases him about spying on her. She’s got the classic Diana frilly collar happening in this scene.

Cut to Charles and Camilla on horseback –

Charles: Terrible job being my wife. Bloody awful, I imagine.
Camilla: Quite the contrary, darling.

Camilla makes an awkward joke about Prince Charles’s sexual appetite. Charles says the only fun he ever has is with Camilla. She asks if Diana is involved with her bodyguard, Matthew. Charles says no, insisting that she’s too self-consumed. Says he was pressured into taking a wife and ended up with a “schoolgirl who’d benefit from a good spanking.” Ok.

Update: I just puked in my mouth.

Charles says to Camilla, “If only she could be like you.” SAD.

Now Diana is riding horses with James Hewitt. Very brief scene but Diana establishes that James is not married.

Cut to Charles playing with the boys. Brief.

Back to horseback riding with Hewitt.

Now Charles is talking to plants. ? “You’re doing a splendid job of growing.”

Diana catches him. Charles says, “Plants need encouraging.” “So do people,” snaps Diana. What a legend.

Diana asks Charles why her bodyguard Matthew has been reassigned. He ignores her. She reiterates that she feels isolated and lonely.

Back to Hewitt and the horses. It’s established that Diana has spent 3 months training with James Hewitt.

Now we are drinking tea with James. Diana is breaking down to him about her marriage. She says that she is the problem. She tells him that Charles never touches her.

James Hewitt looks confused. There is no chemistry between these two. I think in the book, they had their first romantic moment here but not in the movie.

I can’t believe I am only 15 minutes into this film.

Diana instigates a fight with Charles because she doesn’t want to go to Balmoral and she misses the boys. She says it’s cold and she’s miserable there.

She grabs a sharp object. Oh. Diana is now yelling and bleeding.

Charles: How do you feel?
Diana: Feel Charles? You don’t know the meaning of the word.

Mic drop.

Charles says, “I do know that I can bear another one of your stunts.” The intense music is very Mother, May I Sleep with Danger?

Charles takes off with a bleeding Diana on the bed. The fade to black tells me that there was a commercial break here.

Back to BBC Diana. “It gave everybody a wonderful new label. Diana’s unstable, mentally unbalanced.” The Diana character explains, “The best way to destroy a personality is to isolate it. When you think no one is listening to you, you have so much pain inside…” Meghan Markle vibes.

Cut to Charles and Camilla in bed, think I’m going to need another barf bag. “I keep failing miserably,” Charles says. Charles calls Diana a “drama queen.” He says, “You know I’m not the beast I’m made out to be. Can I help it if I love you and not her?”

Camilla says, “You are not Diana’s problem.” Then who is Camilla? YOU?

Looks like they’ve pulled up to Balmoral and Diana has the biggest chunk of chocolate I’ve ever seen. Then they show her shoveling something in her mouth. Then the closed captioning says “(DIANA VOMITING)”

Diana goes on a rampage at Balmoral over her wardrobe. But James Hewitt was not even remotely near them so I’m confused as to how he is an authority on her Balmoral behavior.

Diana yells, “If I looked as dowdy as the rest of this family, I’d be crucified!” Then a dog barks and there’s a dramatic zoom on a dark figure above the stairs… our first look at… THE QUEEN!

Multiple dog growling noises.

James calls Diana… for the “third time today.” This character is also much better looking than the man he plays.

Diana is feeling better now that she is receiving attention for Hewitt’s character. She glides into Charles’s offices to confirm a sentence that she’s learned to meet with a foreign dignitary. She presents the sentence to Charles. “What do you think you’ve just said, ” he asks her. “Hello Your Royal Highness, may peace be with you, ” she explains. Charles explains that she has actually just said…

“I’d like to mate with your cow.”

I smell an Emmy.

Both Charles and Diana start giggling and she jumps into his lap. There’s almost a kiss and then the phone rings. It’s Camilla.

Now we’re on a dinner date with James and Diana. Diana is discussing how frugal the Queen is and claims that she has the housekeepers turn over soiled sheets to save on laundry. Uh, what?

Diana: I’m being terribly naughty.
James: Don’t stop.
Diana: You mean, with you, I don’t have to be on my best behavior?

Flirt alert.

Diana dismisses staff so that she can make her move on the cavalry officer. James asks if she is sure, she responds, “I’ve never been more sure of anything.” He hesitates, “It’s treason.” Diana goes in for the kiss.

James purchases a one-way ticket to make out city before he gropes Diana.

Cut to James performing a cringeworthy striptease for the princess and some very unflattering facial expressions from Cox.

Now Diana and James are riding horses and James is drawing parallels between Diana’s parents and her relationship with Charles. Age difference, dad liked to garden, affairs, and both women liked to live in the city. – I still don’t agree?

Dramatic kiss up against a tree. “It’s a terrible cliche but you did just take my breath away!”

Back to Charles and Camilla. Interesting how they always cast a handsome Charles and a humble-looking Camilla.

Camilla calls Diana a “ridiculous creature.” Rude.

We’re only 40 minutes in.

Charles calls his marriage to Diana a “hideous regret.” Gross.

There’s an interesting scene where Camilla is changing around the furniture at Highgrove and when Diana returns, she changes the furniture back. So sad to imagine the reality of this happening. Diana tells James, “It’s bad enough that she’s playing hostess in my home and taken my husband. But what I really resent is that she can’t keep her bloody hands off my furniture.”

So cruel.

Cue fight between Princess Diana and Prince Charles. Charles won’t give Diana a tennis court at Highgrove. This was an actual fight that took place although I’m not sure the timing is correct.

Now James is entertaining Prince William and Prince Harry before bed but they are both brunettes and look nothing like the real boys. Harry looks especially out of place.

Diana tells James about her bulimia. Again, this timeline seems inaccurate.

Diana seeks professional help.

“Don’t you think it’s a bit crowded. The three of us, in this marriage, Camilla?” Diana confronts Camilla at a party while she’s dancing with Charles. They stole this line from her BBC interview. Although, James has said that she used that line on him before. This Diana Camilla confrontation didn’t happen exactly like it did in the movie… here’s how the real confrontation went down.

Now James is complaining to his Mom about having to pretend to date other girls. His Mom is acting concerned but according to the book, Hewitt’s Mom was thrilled at the idea of James dating Diana.

Then there’s a scene that shows someone secretly monitoring Diana. The family? The government? (MI-5)

Now we’re looking at James reacting to the avalanche that took Charles and Diana’s friend’s life. This storyline was briefly covered in The Crown season 4. Diana is so upset about Charles and Charles just wants to talk to Camilla.

Diana is ecstatic that Charles is ok. James is jealous. Charles asks Diana to leave him alone.

Diana tells James that she is done with her marriage. She presents him with a gift from William and Harry. She then kisses him in a public place and he’s surprised. She must mean business!

Now they are in this ridiculous hot tub.

William and Harry are baking cookies and complaining about how they never see their father.

Now the Queen is interrogating Charles about his relationship with his sons. They both blame Diana. She says Diana was supposed to “fall in love” then “fall in line.” She doesn’t expect Charles to give up Camilla – I highly doubt that conversation ever happened.

Queen reiterates that he is not to divorce.

Ok. Now I think I’m watching a phone s-x scene.

Diana is at dinner with James and just called Camilla the bloody rottweiler. She also just dropped her first astrologer reference.

James is starting to feel insecure about their future.

James is not making love to Diana enough. She shoves him in the pool after comparing him to Charles. I watched this scene three times.

Diana sneaks onto the base to see James. He’s being transferred to Germany for two years. Diana is devastated. She feels betrayed. He says it’s his duty. “This is the worst news I have ever received.” Poor Diana.

Charles laughing on the phone, “Oh, Camilla!” It’s the Charles and Camilla s-x tap-! MAKE IT STOP! HOW DID THEY GET THESE TWO ACTORS TO RECORD THIS? YOU’D HAVE TO PAY ME EXTRA.

Diana meets with Fergie on how to strategize getting away from Charles.

Diana calls James from a payphone and he tells her “I’ll be home for Christmas.” Like the song. They get down.

Now he’s leaving for the Persian Gulf. Diana yells NOOOOO. Her face is hids.

She keeps calling Hewitt, “Winky.” Yuck.

Diana is writing a love letter to Winky. (She wrote him over 60. He tried to sell them, IRL.)

Similar to actual events, Hewitt and Diana get semi-caught through a write-up about their relationship in a newspaper.

Charles challenges her over her boyfriend. He says Diana is getting careless. He wants her to end her affair. Diana refuses.

James returns home and sneaks into Kensington Palace to spend the evening with Diana. He is concerned for his career after Charles’s threats. – In real life, Diana had cut him off while he was away. I know she eventually took him back but she had many more walls up than this movie demonstrates. She seems so obsessed and almost pathetic over him in this movie. I don’t buy it.

Camilla and Charles are sitting on a sofa complaining about the Andrew Morton book. Charles says that Diana has done him a favor because now he can finally get his divorce.

Diana meets with a divorce lawyer who says the Queen has the upper hand.

Fergie goes to Diana to tell her that Andrew Morton wants to talk again. Diana agrees. She is tired of being portrayed as crazy.

Diana meets with James in secret where he admits that he has sold their love story to the papers. … The ultimate betrayal.

Diana rushes to Harry and William’s school to tell them everything. They have chocolates waiting for her.

The movie ends with Diana’s famous “Queen of people’s hearts” line. Wow.

There, I watched it so you didn’t have to. An hour and a half of my life that I will never get back.

Kinsey Schofield is the Founder of To Di For Daily and you can follow her on Twitter, Instagram, or Facebook.